I'm trying to say something but I can't... it's like it's stuck. My mind is stuck. Life is beautiful. The pretty girl is my sister. She just got married to the handsome guy she's standing next to. I'm the blurry guy on the left :)
There's something amazingly simple about life. You breath in... Your lungs fill with air. You eat... Your body gets nourished. You see. You speak. You love. Simple.
Then there's something so incredibly complex that it hurts my mind.... like staring into a vortex that repeats itself. There's the way things are now, which is a result of what things that have happened in the past... which is a result of things that happened before them... and the things in the future are just really an extension of all them combined... then there's like this weird thing where you can change the trajectory of some things if you try hard enough... but only a limited amount of things and maybe only for a limited amount of time... if you're lucky.
So is life.
You can be a passive observer, which is kinda cool. This is the normal state for me. Peeking my head in at strategic times to be involved in special moments from time to time. The rest of my life just kinda floats by as I play with cool ideas and grand schemes of intergalactic and futuristic ventures where I play the role of hero, or villain... and ultimately am destroyed or triumph in some sort of feat that combines some quick wit and a bit of genius.
This would be my life if I wasn't compelled to do anything but exist.
But life is more than this.
Life is more than sandboxes I try to bury myself in and imaginary buckets of water that I poor over people's heads as they walk under me. It's like this thing with purpose... filled with opportunity to point people, to challenge people, and plead with people that are self destructing to look to a God that saves... to help those that are hurting and to cheer on those that succeed.
So there's like this choice
There's the fancy dream that you weave, unwind and weave again in your mind. Maybe some of it is technically possible. Then there's like this thing that everyone around you thinks is so obvious... like couldn't be more obvious if it was tattooed on your forehead. But both can't happen. You have to make a choice. To wait and observe (yay)... or to be "bold" and do something you've never really wanted to do that will make your dreams impossible.
So I'm stuck. Everything about me is stuck. I imagine it has something to do with trusting God... being patient and wise. But if being wise is listening to the people around you then I'm not being wise... but if it's patience that I'm being taught then that's not what they're telling me... so it's best not to listen to them... but is that being wise?
This is my life
"It's hard to rest when the rest of the world is a storm, calling your name."
- David O'Neail
